Damn Darwin, You Hype As Shit

First of all, brachiosaurus, calm ya happy tall self. It's a reason that pedestrian overpass is there: to CALM YO HAPPY. TALL. ASS. DOWN. (0:54)

Second, peep the titties on that swan-lookin mammal-wannabe in between woolly mammoth and brown bear. (1:28) How do I know it's a brown bear? Cuz she rubbin on her titties for me.

Third, and most importantly, I was bout to be like, damn, this jawn Eurocentric as hell with its damn imperialist western biases, sayin gun beats spear and shit. (You know it's some bad spear-throwin mothafuckas out there.) But then dude flipped it on me. Turns out jellyfishes are where it's at. They're the highest evolved species. Jellyfish. Stay tuned.




UPDATE (8:27 PM): This turtle is way more evolved than jellyfish. He's simultaneously at the top and bottom of the food chain. Transcript after the jump.
















Turtle: Evolution, how my ass taste?! Hah? Evolution, how my ass taste?