Spark a J for Harry

Jessica Simpson Buttcrack

If you haven't seen that shit, it's fucked up. Go see that shit ASAP daddy.

Barack Obama...

Best president ever?

















Not even close...

Got That Hitler Dick

New condom ad series yells "5-0" to all those ova out there:

"Osama sperm. Osama sperm. Red tops. Red tops. WMD. WMD."

















Ovum: U betta take that fascist shit to some other ovum.
Hitler sperm: Girl I got that dope dick now come here let me dope you.


















Princess Leia never dies. She just comes back as sperm.

Watch Out Citizens Against Government Waste, Here Comes Greg Paulus

So the 14th most googled term this afternoon was Greg Paulus. How is this motherfucker getting googled more than LeBron? How is any of this shit getting googled more than porn? Does anyone google anything besides porn? I don't.

Anyway, good for Julia Allison, who is famous for being spotted at a nightclub with Jay Cutler the other night "standing between his thighs, touching them." See that's the kind of shit people should be googling. Thigh touching.

UPDATE: Your terms - thigh touching - do not have enough search volume to show graphs.

Celbrity Advice Tuesdays

"He said, ‘There’s one way that you can really fuck this all up. Just do heroin. If you steer clear of that — the other obstacles you’ll be able to navigate.’ And that makes sense, dude." —Zac Efron on the words of wisdom that Leonardo DiCaprio passed along to him at a recent Lakers game [GQ via Movieline]

"Make a sex tape and grow up. Get like Britney Spears and do some heroin. Do like Lindsay Lohan … and get some crack in your pipe … That's what I want." —Jamie Foxx's advice to Miley Cyrus, proving that he's no Leonardo DiCaprio [People]

Ginsburg, Rub On Ya Titties

You know me, baby. I'm a strict constructionist. In bed.

Crack My Easter Egg

I like my shits deep-fried and oozing with semen.

Thor Says Fuck Easter

Damn Darwin, You Hype As Shit

First of all, brachiosaurus, calm ya happy tall self. It's a reason that pedestrian overpass is there: to CALM YO HAPPY. TALL. ASS. DOWN. (0:54)

Second, peep the titties on that swan-lookin mammal-wannabe in between woolly mammoth and brown bear. (1:28) How do I know it's a brown bear? Cuz she rubbin on her titties for me.

Third, and most importantly, I was bout to be like, damn, this jawn Eurocentric as hell with its damn imperialist western biases, sayin gun beats spear and shit. (You know it's some bad spear-throwin mothafuckas out there.) But then dude flipped it on me. Turns out jellyfishes are where it's at. They're the highest evolved species. Jellyfish. Stay tuned.




UPDATE (8:27 PM): This turtle is way more evolved than jellyfish. He's simultaneously at the top and bottom of the food chain. Transcript after the jump.
















Turtle: Evolution, how my ass taste?! Hah? Evolution, how my ass taste?

Culturally Sensitive Fridays

I know you been feenin for this all week.



You want me to change my name you betta rub on them titties, ma.

Winners of Annual Wheelchair Wednesday Extravaganza Announced!

Runner Up

And the winner is...




















Stephen Hawking! Congratulations Stephen! And congratulations to everyone who participated in the Annual Wheelchair Wednesday Extravaganza! We'll see you next year folks!

Post-Rubbed Peeps

I told em rub on ya titties and good things happen.















That's a lot of rubbin.














Larry Craig gettin his peep on.













Race-card-playin peeps.















Peep show.

Potassium!

You Don't Know Me

Lima Ambroise sent you a message on Facebook...

Facebook to Zach

show details 2:58 PM (2 hours ago)

Reply

Lima sent you a message.

Subject: amigo

"hola comoesta zach miamigo y como esta tufamilia y el de porte mas favorito el futbol"


For real, dude doesn't know me.

Take A Seat, Miller Lite

Forget the great taste that's less fillin
I'd rather have some Ides and some guys in the crib chillin

Rub On Ya Titties Music Mondays

I will rub on ya titties if you can tell me what happened to Tracey Lee. I loved him long time. I cut out the ad for his album release in The Source in seventh grade and posted it on my wall. That album never got released and I never got my money back. Fuck that.


Note the Big line that would turn into a Hov line that would pay T.I.P.'s child support.

Chicken Titties Music Mondays

Phil: yeahso rub on ya titties

i might have to do a feature piece

10:42 PM me: you have your people call my people

maybe we could set up an interview

10:43 PM i feel like kid cudi to your kanye west

Phil: hahah damn so im some sort of out there crazy motherfucker?

i guess i can vibe with that

And The Oscar Goes To...

Remember This, Isaac?

XOXOX PROM 2009! PICS FROM LAST NIGHT! a NiGhT 2 ReMeMbEr! 4.4.09 <3! XOXOX

Shawty with the straps, lemme talk to you real quick.



















Real talk. Y'all match.



















Okay, Denim Street.



















Get ya hand out my hunny jar.



















That's me! On the right! In the Carolina blue! With the cane! You see my cane?! You love my cane. Note the guy-to-girl ratio. Can you say Amtrak?!




















And I JIZZ IN MY PANTS!

This Is My Fucking Favorite

12:15 PM Hilary: wait are the octopus balls

balls of octopus meat

or octopus testicles

?

Najeh Davenport Saturday Nights

Culturally Sensitive Fridays

It's that day of the week again. Holi is poppin off in Chennai. I'm a bit late with it but this blog just started a few hours ago.














Damn, Isaac, you happy as shit.













Girls... That's right I said it...













Get Whitey!












MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!

Word

Cops: Man who didn't like sandwich attacks fiancee

Pre-Rubbed Peeps

Rub On Ya Titties

Caul Fat

"It is often used as a natural sausage casing and to encase faggots or pâté."

Citrus

Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Okay, Start Wit Straight Shots

And then pop bottles.
Pour it on the models.
Shut up, bitch, swallow.
If you can't swallow, shut up, bitch, gargle.
Straight out of the water with my blogging boondoggle.
You see my punctuation.
You know my situation.
Ivy education.
Straight procrastination.
From Ho Chi Minh City
To the Senate Subcommittee,
All the chickens go head
Rub on ya titties for me.